Monday, 1 February 2010
I was on a roll and now I'm off the roll and off the wagon and I'll get back on I'm just struggling a little bit//I thought I wasn't afraid of things any more but it turns out I really still am. That's ok though. I'm not dead yet. Plenty of motherfucking time. I hope. Tomorrow I will sort my life out and ring that lady and do something with that picture and finish that story and make myself be interested in learning French rather than waiting for it to just happen so I can go and live there//do I even really want to go and live there?? Answers on a postcard please. Janice and Maureen are going to sit in their living room and smoke cigs and drink tea and watch Corrie til they die. Frigging off about Adam Rickett and hoping that Edward calls round after his binround are the highlights of their day and I am jealous of them because they are satisfied and it appears I never will be. She gave daisies a funeral because they were once alive too and then she sat in her living room forever more and got diabetes and arthritis and cateracts and a colostomy bag and the shivers and the shakes and a possible case of gangrene//she enjoyed every single minute of it.